Transitions are difficult. Change is difficult. We live our lives in patterns, in routines. We train to act and react a certain way. We learn skills, become proficient, we "manage" our time.
And every time we change something, we have to relearn something.
Let's take the big one -- moving. Even if you keep the same job, you're going to have to find a new way to get there. (Even if you work from home, it's a different path from new kitchen to new office.) The temperature in the house will be different. The air is different. The light is certainly different. As is the ambient noise. Most likely, with a move, there is finding a new grocery store. New health care options. New schools. New restaurants. New shortcuts. New views. Perhaps a new favorite time of day, as a result of the light and the noise and the view.
And even if you leave out the decision making process prior to the move, and the chaos of actually moving; dealing with the new patterns, the new input, the new things to learn, is a transition vortex - a whirlwind of emotional, physical, mental imbalance.
Some changes, transitions, moves feel easier than others. Yes, there is the inherent chaos and the overwhelming desire to return to the contentedness of routine, but the underlying drive of fulfilling goals is enough to propel us through the vortex. And, when a moment out of time is needed, there are always the comfort items: the fuzzy blanket; the special food item; the song; the book; the video; the person.
But what if you're changing yourself? What if you are moving from identity to identity? What if you are retraining your choices to achieve a physical and mental you that is aligned with your faith, your personal body preferences, and the ability to achieve what you want to achieve? In other words, what if you ARE striving for enlightenment? (Disclaimer [read really fast] - this poster believes every person's enlightenment is individual and unique, and therefore does not intend to assume everyone reaches it in the same way.)
For example, if you are trying to keep momentum and energy in your life, your music choices probably need to be upbeat and driving, not poignant. Less "I'll Always Love You" and more "I'm Free!"
But what if "Goodbye to You" is a song you love to sing at the top of your lungs when you're feeling particularly despondent? And, in the midst of your transition, there is a day where you're ready to throw in the towel. And you set up the mp4 player, and you crank up the stereo, and you're halfway through belting out the song…
…and you realize it just doesn't do it for you anymore.
The song is sad and beautiful and even empowering, but it no longer soothes you.
What do you do?
I don't know. What do YOU do?
The best "do" for me, currently, is to find something productive, even if it is cleaning out emails. Because it turns the frustrated energy back toward the goal. This could be why someone suddenly becomes successful… the more they put into their goal, the less comfort they get from old habits, so they turn back to the goal for comfort.
But I am still hunting for a new, perfect song. Because working, as much as I need it for my current transition, isn't taking a break, isn't a balm to my soul, doesn't flow into the pained crevices like the old comforts did. Even my posts, which usually include some form of humor or lightness, seem to be crying out from a deep well of sorrow. Which should be awesome, right? I love wallowing in deep wells.
Well, I used to.
My favorite food items don't taste good anymore. My snuggle stuffed animals are ready for new homes. And if I hear one more weepy song come from my stereo, I may scream.
Welcome to my current Transition.
Though, actually, in fact...
...it really is awesome to be able to understand why this one has been more fraught than others. Because everything is changing. Including the things that help me rise above.
Maybe I'll explore rap music. Hmmm.