Monday, December 18, 2017
Saturday, December 16, 2017
I release the blind belief of any information. About anything. Including my physical appearance, my faith, my future, and my world.
Wednesday, November 29, 2017
It's funny. I pretty much despise the CPAP machine, at the same time I have become superstitiously dependant upon it. (Oxygen is good for brain activity, they say.) Because of the CPAP, the only time I consciously breathe through my mouth is when I sing.
And when I am as stuffed up as I am today. And so, the fact that I am a mouth breather right now is almost worse than the mucas and the coughing and the headache and... there is not enough antibacterial stuff in the house,.
Because I can feel the air drying out my throat and I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen for ANYTHING (which explains my poor decision making when I'm sick.)
And even worse than that is the guilt - which is not something I believe in but at the same time, I feel in huge quantities because I have clients and jobs and commitments and (since we're being honest) I mostly feel pissed off at myself because being sick means I'm not do ANY of the stuff I love to do, and I despise feeling grumpy and messy and like I've let everyone including myself down. (And so this is probably a public confession to make sure everyone knows how very terrible I feel both physically and mentally.)
But I'd be the first to tell anyone else that self-care is A-number one on the list. Oxygen mask, gotta have energy to give it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
So, what's the issue, Miss Happiness Practitioner (yeah, I get snarky when I get to this spot.)
Well, the issue is, this is like the third time this year that I've been ill. And I've had to cancel and rearrange and apologize and play with schedules multiple times because my time-management skills still need a lot of practice.
And, when I allow myself to take a moment, when the Happiness Practitioner is finally allowed into the center of self doubt and recrimination, I know that all of this is because I have been doing so much more than I'd been doing a year ago. AND I've been more consistently successful in my productivity and practice this year.
But, it is still a practice. I DO still need to work on timing and scheduling and realistic goals. I don't know how long some things take, and I don't really know what my acclimation time is until I do it. And I am obviously unable to go 100% all of the time - so if I don't stand up for myself, my body WILL choose my days off for me. And they won't be skipping through the forest days off either.
Happiness is actually the practice of Happiness, because this means I can turn a bitch post into a teaching and realization moment for myself.
Sure, I rarely had to call in sick in the three years before this one, because I didn't have a ton of commitments or people who were aware of how I spent my time. And maybe that's why it took so long to get back into the work force - because sometimes explaining myself, asking others for time, telling others I need time, well, it's still a task. Still something that takes practice. Still a habit to be developed.
(borrowed from others) "Every day in every way I am better and better." "I am happy, I am healthy, I am wealthy, I feel terrific."
And most importantly, every day I am my best; I live my truths, and I do what I can to make the world, my world, a better place.
Even if that means telling everyone I have succumbed to the nasty whatever that's going around this year. Next year, I'll have more health and fewer sick days.
Stay healthy, my friends.
And I hope you have a great day!
Thursday, November 23, 2017
Tuesday, November 7, 2017
I have a favor to ask.
I am writing my happiness book.
Part of happiness - well, a whole great whomping part of happiness - is discovering what I want, and then figuring out what my best means of achieving this are.
I would like to use examples in the book - consistent examples, to carry through each section.
I have one example, as I am currently practicing creating easy and effortless time management habits.
But I would like two more.
One mundane example - "simple," something that feels short term like, I don't know, like cooking something.
And one emotionally impactful example.
So what, dear readers, would you want to read about? What examples - from your lives, from entertainment, from imagination - would you like to see plotted from desire (I want to do/achieve/have - or not have - THIS!) to manifestation (I did it! I am awesome!)
Comment on blogger; comment on FB; or send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org. Please let me know your thoughts.
Nothing is too silly or too serious. (Too sacred? Maybe.) But life is. So let's tackle it happily.
Thank you. I hope you have a great day!
Monday, November 6, 2017
But I just had to write. Have to write. Am writing.
Because I am writing. It's day 6 of my commitment this month to write an hour a day (I am participating in NaNoWriMo as incentive. Or accountability. Or something.) And I have been doing very well. It took a little while to quit pushing myself to "get that word count!" Because that's not what it's about for me. It's actually about dedicating the time and, hopefully, getting the book in some narrative order. But I have been working on it. Yay!
I have also been practicing developing Time Management habits that work for me. (A practice that has been going on for, oh, 30 years. Maybe longer - the idea was probably planted in high school.) And it has been working.
It has been working enough that I am going to bed on time. On time to wake up tomorrow and still get a decent amount of sleep.
and the interesting thing is, I'm not getting through ALL the things I want to accomplish before bed, BUT - because I am accomplishing things, because I am honoring my needs, focusing on my real comforts, making decisions for tomorrow's happiness, because I can FEEL the habits wanting to take hold and expand and I can connect with the future possibilities - well, I feel pretty awesome.
And a little light. Because I'm not going to bed with the overwhelming feeling of "What haven't I done?"
Dear Universe - please please please help me continue on this path. Let this be the time I keep going. I know I can do it. I have made so many strides this year already. I allow there to be more. I accept more. I receive more. Thank you.
All right. Sleep well, my friends!
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
I am pleased to say that things are going. Well,
I am fluctuating on the consistency of working on the book every day. BUT, the West Littleton Writer's Group had its first electronic writing party and I was there (here,) clicking away.
I didn't actually win the word contest; in fact, I didn't write that many words.
Though, now that I think about it, I DID write words, they just weren't words that furthered the book - well, that's not entirely accurate either. But they were synopsis instead of formal content.
I was working on getting the tidbits and starts and random thoughts all in one place; and then having a coherent idea of what all those outpourings were about. (I'm currently using Scrivner, which has some great outline and note-making applications. But I had to figure out how to use it.)
I've been having a lot of cross eyed moments trying to figure out which way I want the book to go.
It's not about writing, that's for sure. I could probably write about Happiness all day and night. Just push the soap box button and I will serenade you with my point of view. But putting it into a book is so very different from putting it into a class. Trying to figure out how to move from A to B in a narrative yet logical fashion is putting me beyond words.
Happily, today's exercise has given me some ideas. And I may decide to get some outside opinions (such as yours.)
Meanwhile, all this setting up will help me produce words. It's not a novel, but I'm going to grace the NaNoWriMo scene with my Happiness book.
And I plan to have the first draft complete by the New Year.
But first, to bed.
I hope you have an excellent day!
Thursday, October 19, 2017
The amazing woman who leads our writing group shared the message of a motivational video she saw (and I don't have the source yet; I'll add it when I do - if I remember.) And the message was, our brain wants us to be comfortable.
Yay! Good brain. Happy brain. Let's hear it for comfort!
Except, the message continues, this is not necessarily conducive to achieving our dreams. For example:
Being comfortable at six o'clock in the morning, for me, is being snuggled into bed. Even if I would really rather get out of bed so I can wake up gently before I face the world.
And since I really like having about 2 hours to wake up - so I can write and journal and connect and eat and not feel like I'm racing against time - on the days I don't have outside obligations, I take those two hours.
Or more, because it's so nice and comfortable to just sit and pet the cats, and maybe warm up my brain with a book, and I'm sure I'll get to the laundry in just a moment and that'll at least be productive right?
And because those two hours became a comfortable three or four, I don't really get started on my work until 1 or 2. And then I end up looking at all the stuff I really want to get done (like writing books and songs and paying bills and updating the web site and some contract work so it's not at the last minute) and I can't really decide which I should do first, since I want to do them all, and the most comfortable thing is to go sit somewhere else and breathe so I quit beating myself up for being unable to motivate myself and...
Yeah. She's right. Being comfortable is not actually (or not always) a very useful thing. And it's definitely not the same as being happy. Whatever my brain may think.
So this practice (like everything else) is going to be on how to change my brain's programming. I don't actually think of it as hacking; it's more like finding the right hex key - the one that unlocks the trigger that activates the happily productive part of my brain.
Because I do like to be productive. And organized. And the mistress of my own time. I can feel how amazing it will be to create and contribute all the ideas and chores running around in my brain - which happily means I am one step closer to achieving it.
I just have to make it out of the Comfort Trap.
So, this week, I will be practicing discomfort.
And the first task will be figuring out a better name for it!
I hope you have a great (and just comfortable enough) day!
Tuesday, October 17, 2017
Saturday, October 14, 2017
* To ground
* To console
* To process
* To celebrate
* To take a break
* To discuss (things over)
Sunday, October 8, 2017
I have received abundance. I have given of myself.
I know I am still deep in practice mode, and that some habits take longer practice than others, to change.
So why am I sitting here, fighting myself? Maybe not fighting myself, but really not wanting to make a decision?
Or maybe not face the decision I've already made?
Am I trying to made it difficult, challenging, a trial? Something to overcome?
Do I feel I don't deserve something? (okay, uncreate and destroy ALL that that is!)
Am I just tired, tired, tired of using all these new muscles, actually doing what I say, living in my integrity and truth?
The term that keeps ringing in my head is "Keep it simple."
And the simple question is, "What do I want right now?"
Not next week, not in a year. What do I want today?
Yes, the future matters. I am building the future. But fear of or plans for events that haven't happened yet, possibilities that may never happen, or certainly won't happen like I expect because things are changing every blessed day and who knows what the human race is going to reveal about itself next - that is not relevant to today's needs.
Is it too big? Too pretty? Too luxurious? Too outside my sphere of experience?
Too mainstream? Too positive? ?Too safe?
Am I worried I'm settling or grasping or...
Blah! You know what, Lila? It's a distraction. Making it a big deal. Giving it yards and years of importance when it's simply a step.
It's something I want to try. And I refuse to judge myself by any other standards than my own.
I asked for this. I accept this. I trust myself and the Universe. I celebrate this change and I allow it to be what it is... not the end all and be all; not huge, not small. Just what it is. Today.
So, today's happiness practice is making a decision and moving on to all the other things I want to do today.
Whoof. Thank you for walking with me through that path!
I hope you're having a great day!
Sunday, September 10, 2017
It's very helpful.
Thursday, August 10, 2017
- believing, in every moment, that I am doing my best.
- allowing that sometimes my best is not the way I want it to be.
- knowing that I only have choices about what I say or do, and not what the rest of the world says or does. And honestly, sometimes I don't even have choices in my reactions to things - they are automatic, trained, habit, thought patterns so deeply carved in my brain and body it could take an act of terrific (or terrible) proportions to retrain me.
Friday, August 4, 2017
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Partly because it's been awhile since I've posted something, partly so I'll keep talking about it, and partly because I've been doing an excellent job writing 30 minutes a day and it's all definitely truth of the moment, expressing my ideas about specific subjects. And while the first two chapters are narrative in style, the rest are just meanderings about my philosophy.
And I just finished babbling on about being unique, and I am staring at the multiple subjects and thinking - this can never be a GOOD book.
Yeah, I probably need to start a chapter on judgment, to remind myself that I don't believe in that either. And that GOOD & BAD are perspectives, opinions, based on comparisons.
So, what would I tell anyone else? This is just the rough draft. Not even that, this is the gathering of ideas. The stream of consciousness. This is the beginning. Keep going. If you want to make a book, you need all of your materials. And this is not about anyone else. This is about me, and my thoughts, and my work, and my commitments. Of the Lila, for the Lila, by the Lila.
And I know how I work. I get it out of my head, onto the paper/screen, THEN i form it into a work of art.
This time (today) I am not going to let my fear or my judgments or my presentiments of other people's possible opinions stop me from working on this book. Today, I am going to be proud of what I have done, and look forward to what else I will do.
Thank you so much for being part of my process. I hope you're having an excellent Day!
Sunday, July 23, 2017
I have even made a commitment to work on it for 30 minutes most nights.
Great. Now what?
"Just start writing!"
Yes, yes. I understand. I totally know that part. Writing for 30 minutes is the goal, and I can edit later, it doesn't matter what I put down right now, it doesn't even have to make sense yet, not even to me.
It is not a dearth of ideas that blocks my writing... it is the abundance of them!
Do I write about perspective or equality first? Value or uniqueness? Spiritual growth, mental growth, physical growth? Family (mwahahahaha) or plans for the future? Friends or past travel? Education or choices?
Do I write the exercises? The meditations? The formulas? The possibilities?
Or do I write the seminars and the classes and the thought process?
Or do I write the stories?
Do I start with my inspirations or my aspirations?
To mess with an old favorite song:
"Too many options
Too little time!"
Which, yes, is not true. I have as much time as I need. And obviously a plethora of material. And the beauty of the computer and the variety of writing programs I have is, I can start one idea today (if I'm feeling really strongly about equality) and work on another tomorrow (because I'll be pondering past travel.)
And, ha ha, because of this post, I will probably start with an exercise - perhaps on figuring out where to start? Because it is just another form of "What do I want?" which is a part of "What is my truth today?"
Well, actually, the exercise will be more generic, because other than this quandary about the book, my brain and my truth are really exploring fixing things today - a post I'm still working on.
But they actually do kind of dovetail anyway, don't they? Hmm.
(vague hand wave in general direction of reader as she wanders off to another word program...)
I hope you have a great day!
Friday, July 21, 2017
And I hope you have a great day!
Sunday, July 16, 2017
I will give it no earth to root nor wall to smash against.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
My mother gave birth to this body approx 50 years ago.
I died and was resuscitated approximately 10 years ago.
I lived 40 years before my death, so my median age is 50/2= 25.
Family tradition dictates that women stop having birthdays at 30, so I am 30.
Except I'm two years older than my sister who is also 30, so that makes me 32.
And I'm older than my brother, who didn't stop having birthdays, which puts me back to 48.
So familially, I'm (30+32+48)/3 = 36.
Of course, there are also the components of myself, the many facets, the myriad personalities, talents, hats, skills - all the different shapes into which I shift in response to desire or need or the attitude of the person I'm conversing with. But it's difficult to give actual "age" or even number to all those Lilas, so we won't even try.
However, I know I am the accumulation of all my experiences, and so every moment a new me is created, birthed from the experiences of all the mes before.
Which means I am one moment old.
And I am two moments old.
And I am three moments old.
* If we postulate that a moment equals one breath (inhaled and exhaled);
* and for the sake of easy math we'll say that one breath is 10 seconds in length
* then the calculated number of moments in a day would 6 (per minute) x 60 (minutes per hour) x 24 (hours per day) which equals 8640 moments.
Therefore our age would be 1 multiplied exponentially by 50 (years) x 365 (days) x 8640 (moments).
And our average age would be THAT total divided by 157,680,000 of course.
And we mustn't forget all of the births and deaths and moments that happened to "me" in all of the previous lifetimes of my/our existence. And/or those moments which have yet to happen, if time is not actually linear.
And then of course there is the question of how old I feel - which changes based on who I am speaking with. But again, that's too flexible for me to calculate.
and I am 10.
and I am 25.
and I am 30.
and I am 32.
and I am 48.
and I am 50 (approximately).
and I am (1!157,680,000)/157,680,000.
and I am 1!157,680,000
+ all of those variations based on activity and company.
How old am I?
I am eternal.
How old are you?
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
"What do I want? What do I desire? What will bring me to my highest good?"
As a champion of choices, this question makes me clench up. "What do I want?'
I DON'T KNOW!
Well, okay. That's a lie. I do know.
I want to ask for something, apply for something, put out a flyer or a book or a prayer, and have the answer be YES! Done. Total happiness forever and ever. Go forth and manifest!
I do believe this can happen.
I just have to ask for the right thing.
...what if I get a yes, and I try something and I don't like it and I have to change my mind and do something else?
...what if I get a yes, and I create connections and commitments and then I change and outgrow the situation?
...what if I get a yes and it's everything I hoped for and I still feel this searching desire for more?
So the right thing has to be the REALLY right thing.
The greatest and highest good for ALL TIME.
No pressure, right?
No wonder few people want to accept responsibility for themselves. So much easier to say "I have to do this because it's the law."
Or, "I have to do that because that's how it works."
Or, "If they really want me, they'll come find me, right?"
Marvelous things can happen in this universe, including a peaceful resolution to hatred and fear, but it's not going to happen (at least in my reality) without me actually doing something.
I have to be the love, the happiness, the asking, the trying, the choosing, the trying again, the growing I wish to see in my world.
Because it is my world. And I have as much right to say something about it as anyone else.
What do I fear? More than rejection or inclusion, more than homelessness or commitment?
That when the time comes for me to judge myself and my actions, I will look back on my life and judge myself unworthy.
What do I desire? My own respect.
So, time to make another choice.
What do I want, today?
I hope you are having a great day!
Tuesday, May 30, 2017
Look to your protections. Are they enough? Are they too much?
Look to your responses. Do they match the intensity and need of the situation?
These days, it's easy to feel caught between too mean, and not safe enough. So what protection / aggression / offense & defense works for you, allowing you to feel like you without giving away your power?
I hope you have a great day!
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Probably half of those amazing creations have been to replace, fix, improve, or expand the other half of the amazing creations.
As a writer, I am constantly making "perfect!" even more perfect. Because the "perfect" of one moment is simply the building block for the next perfection.
Though all perfect really means, at least for my writing vocabulary, is that what I have expressed in prose, poetry, or song, is a perfect match to what I am feeling at that moment.
Sometimes the writing is a way of harvesting from whatever verdant pasture hosts my ideas, and putting it before my eyes so I can really find out if it's A truth, or MY truth.
And sometimes the writing really is a cycle of stepping stones, like layers of paint on a canvas.
Today's example is a song I have been working on for about a year. It's for Threshold Choir, which of course means it can't just be a flippant little piece of music. It has to be examined and woven and tried on and examined again. Rather like my stories.
And like my stories, this song has been rewritten maybe twenty times. And each time I think, "Ah! got it! Beautiful. This is it!" and I write it down and sing it and sing it and I never present it, because I after that glorious moment, I feel it is still missing... something.
And then there is another Aha! and the song changes, meshes, expands and contracts.
Tonite I think my latest inspiration could be the finish touch! I wonder what I'll think tomorrow.
Life is like that also. So many "aha!" moments. So many truths. So many times thinking, "Yes, this is it! I have found my: purpose, strength, soul mate, song, support, meaning, work, love, happy place, desire... My Perfection." And we stride along in confidence for a day or a week or a year (or an hour, or a moment, or a breath,) and then we realize that the song we're singing, the purpose we're following, the happy we're placing, is feeling out of tune again.
Old patterns are cropping up again.
Old wounds are bruising again.
And we look and we pray and we find the next opening, the next clearing, the NEXT "aha!"
The difference between writing and living is, of course, that we don't get to cut out whole chapters or verses from our lives, when we realize "Aha!" turned to "Oh, crap."
We eventually do finish the story, the song, or the poem. But life's inspiration never stops.
We are creating every moment we are breathing. Absorbing and processing and harvesting the ideas that come from living our lives, and adding them to our foundations, and stepping forward and finding the next perfection, the next aha!, the next stone in the path.
And actually, if you think about it, every published or presented piece still has the ghosts of old perfections attached to it, too. I can delete and cross out, write over, rip up and throw away; but since the idea was harvested, since that "aha" moment existed, it is part of the foundation of the final story. Each "perfection" is an essential step of the creation.
I don't know what writing is like for others, but I do know what living is like for myself and for many of the people around me. It is not just one glorious moment of inspiration which leads to a long and perfect state of being. It is a step by step building of a path, full of a thousand "Aha's" and a million waves of grace. We CAN'T step forward until we have had the inspiration that leads us to the next inspiration.
So I'm going to keep singing. And Writing. And Riting, and Righting. In every aspect. And I will welcome, and rejoice in, every Perfect creation.
I hope you have thousands of them too!
Monday, May 22, 2017
Reiki is a healing modality where energy simply flows. I am a vessel. I don't have to direct the energy to heal a specific thing or work in a specific way. I spread my own two hands on (or slightly above) the client. I envision the symbols. The energy flows and heals what needs to be healed.
The "World as Myth" is a belief I connected with through Robert Heinlein. In short, every story everytold is a world, a reality, a place out in the multiverse. So places like Wonderland and Middle Earth and Jurassic Park exist. As do Chalion and Brigadoon. And Zootopia. And all the varieties of Earth that Historic Fiction has imagined.
Because of this belief, I have imbued my stories with a goal, a purpose. Every time someone reads one, a person in this reality (the reality we as a society most universally connect with;) a person who is in a similar situation will find her (or his) healing, happiness, freedom.
Even if that person is only me. (After all, we write what we know, right? Hmm. A psychologist would have a field day. (Hmm again. I think I need to finish the Destiny series!))
This belief of realities extends to the books of others. There are some I won't read because I don't want to give weight to that kind of reality. Some I can't read because I just don't connect with that kind of reality.
And some I have to stop reading because the reality is so very painful.
And that's a tough one, to decide to stop reading not because of the writing, but because of the worlds created. Because it feels like I'm leaving the characters stuck in their miserable existence. I'm stranding them, by not finishing their journey with them.
Which kind of goes against a whole lot of happiness stuff, cuz it's not my job to finish someone else's journey, etc and so forth.
But I also would like to do something, if I have the power to do something.
And since I'm against censorship, I decided to do a reiki healing on the book. To heal the characters, all of them, whomsoever they represent, in whichever reality.
I sat down on the floor, laid my hands upon the book, and let the energy flow.
And it did flow.(That's another thing about Reiki. If healing is not needed or wanted, you (I) just end up sitting there, hands on or just above skin, la-la-lala-la, no matter how hard I envision the symbols.)
So I did my first book healing today.
Or, more accurately, I did a healing of those whom this book might represent - children who grew into adulthood with pain and sorrow and bewildered determination as their bosom companions. People whose worlds ended in war and strife. Societies who changed because they they thought it was the only way to survive.
In my reality, it helped someone. Even if that someone was just my inner child, angry and hurting because of the pain some characters (therefore some people) are enduring.
Today I practiced book healing. And made my reality a better place.
I hope you're having a warm, pain-free day!
Saturday, May 13, 2017
Twice in the last week, after a bout of creativity, I have gone out to family and been asked if I was okay. "You are distant," I was told.
And it's true. I was distant. In some far off world, being a CREATOR.
Even something as "simple" as making a flyer, or setting up a paypal button, puts me in CREATOR world.
It's not a place I consciously go; it's not a mindset I summon (though perhaps this practice will help me do that.)
But I love being there, where time has no meaning and all that exists is me and the keyboard (and occasionally the printer.)
But it is painful to return. To wrench my focus back to this place and this time. To try and wonder two realities at the same time.
Today I remembered a character in Nora Roberts' book Tribute. The character is a graphic novelist. And he puts himself into AND brings himself out of his creative state with a "magic" phrase.
Yes, I imagine this took practice to set up. Everything does. I expect it isn't as simple as waving my pen and saying "bibbity-bobbity-boo!" and I'm back in attention paying mode. At least not at first.
But I think it is something worth exploring. Creating. Giving myself a start and a stop in the creative process.
Enter a command into my brain so it knows where it's supposed to be looking.
So I can go to this world and return to the physical with little harm to myself, my psyche, and the people around me.
Today I am going to build my portal to and from the world of CREATOR.
And it will be good. 🌞
I hope you're having a great day!
Tuesday, May 9, 2017
Using what I have has been one of my practices for awhile, though it has been focused on the side of - I don't need to get MORE stuff just to get something done. Quit trying to distract myself!
But it also works on the more mundane level. I don't need to sit down and make new lists and search for something to do, or wait for the Universe to give me a sign. When I am in that funk of "What now?" I have plenty of places to check for inspiration. I have project lists on my phone, on my computer, in each of my journals, on random sticky notes stuck in easy to see places. There is plenty for me to do.
I realized this morning it's kind of like Writer's Block - a subject we were discussing at Writer's Group last week. And I said, proudly, "I have over a thousand ideas. If I can't get into the one I'm trying to work on, I can switch."
The same goes for filling time. The question "What now?" can have a thousand different answers. I just need to use the lists I have and pick one.
Happily, I have just done something to fill five extra minutes, and I get to go to B&N now (at which I practice using what (skills and experience) I have without falling into old (cranky) patterns. Yay!
I hope you're having a great day!
Tuesday, May 2, 2017
From work to spiritual celebrations, I expect myself to feel this or that. I expect to expend "X" amount of energy. I expect this action to create that reaction. I expect that value for this price.
And because I am so busy looking for my expectations to be fulfilled, I am missing the actual experience.
Take meditation, for example. From reading a variety of books (fiction and non,) I have created an image of how meditation should feel, look, sound. And yet, my meditations are nothing like that. NOTHING! (Cause i have to be unique.) I don't actually really see things, or hear things, as I do with eyes and ears. For me, it's impressions, feelings, words appearing in my head. Rather like the Daredevil, where he receives a picture of the female by listening to the rain.
And I'm rarely so deeply in that I am unaware of my surroundings. I may not be able to respond, but I am aware.
For years I thought I was meditating wrong, because it wasn't matching my expectations. There are a lot of things I thought I was doing wrong, including praying.
But I am coming to realize that I can put aside my expectations. I can let things be. I can experience things as they really are.
As I do with people, I can ACCEPT experiences instead of EXPECT them.
Which means, (still, further, again) I can accept myself in these experiences. My reactions to them. My truths instead of my expectations of behavior and perception.
I sometime wonder why it seems so difficult to just be me?
And that is all about expectations too.
It's not difficult to be me. It's pretty easy, in fact. I can do it effortlessly.
But to fit myself into the mold of expectations - that's what is difficult.
So, what do I expect? Well, I'm going to practice expecting nothing. And allowing everything.
I hope you have a great day!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
I'll admit it. It was a little disconcerting, not to mention frustrating, to be set up for a rune reading (Finally!) and to come up with No Rune.
I always wonder if people believe that No Rune is really a Rune Reading.
But that is just rude to the runes. And I apologize. And to the people who are reading this. I apologize to you too.
But No Rune is a nebulous reading. Because it means more than just "The Future is hazy. Try again tomorrow." (in fact, that's another rune all together.) No Rune means, there is no one single word of advice, no specific tool, no map that will cover all the situations, thoughts, needs that we, as a general group of people will be facing.
In fact, it turns out, today No Rune means there is no one single tool that can cover all the moments of truth individually.
It is time to be practicing not just one aspect or another of our talents, skills, jobs, perceptions. It is time to practice them all.
Like a bird who is constantly checking the position of his wings and tail against the wind...
Like a fish who is flowing with the current...
Like a plant who takes the weather and animals and human interaction as it comes and adjusts...
So too shall we be. Treating each moment as it's own situation, as it's own event, as it's own truth. And applying the tools and perceptions that are needed FOR THAT MOMENT.
We are dancing. We are flying. We are swimming. We are growing. Every moment we are new.
I hope you have a great moment!
Tuesday, April 18, 2017
If you're like me, you've been working hard at keeping things simple. Because it's so easy to get distracted with embellishments and setting up challenges, because you want to feel like something marvelous has been accomplished! When in truth, if you're like me, the project usually ends up half finished and avoided.
If you're like me, part of keeping things simple is using what you have. Use the tools that are there. Because, if you're like me, finding a new tool requires a lot of research, and then there's all these shiny buttons, and OH! look at what that does! and there goes the simple, right out the window, and two days later, nothing has gotten done.
But what if what you have just doesn't work? Just isn't simple? Is taking twice as long to figure out as it would to set up something new?
I want to go to the All Choir Gathering for Threshold Choir, for multiple reasons, including the fact that I've always wanted to go to Oregon, which is where it will be located this year.
I, and my spouse, want to get our finances back to a comfortable, small debt, spot.
The two goals currently seem exclusive on our consistent income. Therefore, I am getting ready to launch a fund-raising campaign. Of course, I hate just asking for money. So I want to offer writing or reading in exchange. (Though I will practice accepting gifts 😊) Which means setting up (again?) a shop or store or cart or something on my website.
I have prepped descriptions, written a fun poem, and I'm working on adding it all to this site. But of course, the thing about receiving money is, well, one needs a tool to receive money.
Since I've been using paypal, I thought I'd look at them. But honestly, it took me an hour or so to set up that tip button on the right. And when I tried to explore options about shopping carts and changing texts, I kept getting more confused instead of less..
So now I'm off exploring other options. And I really can't decide if I'm trying to make it more complicated, or more simple. But I do know I want to understand it. And I want it to be useable, by me and by you. And I want to be able to log off at the end of the day with the feeling that if something needs to be tweaked, I know how to figure it out.
The balance between keeping it simple and keeping it significant could be finding a new complex tool. Because I want to use what I have for a long, long time. I want good tools. I want a phone that will hold a charge for longer than an hour. I want shoes that will be wearable for 8 hours a day, day after day! And I want an energy exchange / money system that will work over many years, and over many situations, as I grow and expand.
The tool may be complex. But it will keep my life simple. And what I have isn't doing the trick.
If you're like me, using what you have can mean using it as a guide to find something better.
I hope your explorations are fruitful!
Sunday, April 9, 2017
This I know.
My microwave, it tells me so."🎵
Yes, love is a microwave.
The thing is, I haven't had a proper cup of tea since we started moving. That was over a week ago. I haven't had oatmeal either. I miss my oatmeal.
It's true; I could have cooked it on the stove. I do know how to boil water and add the appropriate ingredients.
But I am not that good a cook.
I am an amazing microwave cook.
In a microwave, I can set the timer, go to the bathroom, get sidetracked by the laundry, remember I need to put something on the grocery list, see an email I want to answer, and then wonder why I am hungry. And back in the kitchen, my oatmeal has cooked to perfection.
On a stove, it would be cooked to a dry, desert crisp. Possibly with a smoke alarm serenade.
Water for tea would be boiled over.
I have destroyed skillets with my lack of attention.
In other words, a cup of tea is just not worth it.
So to come home on a night when the chill of the wind has me expecting snow in the forecast, (Which there isn't. It's supposed to be 60 tomorrow!) and find the microwave set up and ready for use...
That is happiness.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Earl Grey.
I hope you have a great (and warm) day!
Saturday, April 8, 2017
And then I became irritated with myself because I actually think I am beyond the "Oh, my Goddess. I'm not worthy. Can I really earn some cash with my meager skills?" Blech. Way beyond that. Only a distant echo of remembering feeling that way.
So, why, when I opened Blogger to start setting up a new page to tell you all about my current dreams and goals, did I immediately try to distract myself with a the thought of writing about money anxiety?
It turns out it's simply because I wanted to write something! It's been so long since I've posted something. And on this blog (so say the stats) I have 162 posts and 42 drafts! 42 things that have been started and never sent. Possibly never finished. 1/4 of things I've written have never been truly communicated!
Which, when I think about it, is actually a pretty good record for me. Considering I have over a thousand story ideas languishing in boxes and bites, and possibly 20 of those have reached a finished stage. I'm improving.
Hot D..., um, Dynomite! I am getting better every day. Yay me!
So, Lila, finish saying hi to the peeps, and get back to starting something you might want to finish this week. Well, hopefully this week. The beauty of having a deadline on your dreams is you might actually only procrastinate a little. If you're like me.
So, Hi, peeps! Hope you all are having an amazing day!
Tuesday, March 21, 2017
...the smell of moisture in the air.
...graham crackers, brie, and an earl grey latte.
...a Barnes & Noble recovery workout.
...feeling contentment settle back in.
I know I'm not the only one for whom 2017 started with a sizzle and turned into a raging inferno. So many choices that felt like there was no right way. So many times when the future was cloudy. So many temptations to crawl under the blanket and wail, "What have I done?!"
The answer is, made decisions. Took responsibility. Did the best I could do in the moment.
My hindsight is not 20/20. In fact, it's probably more myopic than my future sight. And all those alternative universes are naturally much more sparkly than this one, because they can be whatever story I make them, since I'm not actually living them.
Which is all a long way to say, once more I have had my 1st day of employment at Barnes & Noble.
Yup, I went back.
There are a thousand reasons bubbling in my head - I can dress my style; I can be myself; I can touch books; I can talk about things I understand; I can learn AND feel knowledgeable all at once.
But the main reason, the real reason, the truth is...
I walked into the store one day to buy a gift. Someone said, "When are you coming back to work?" And I said, "When do you want me?"
So here I am. Delighted. Ecstatic. Exuberant. So many changes and so much to learn. But I got to do so much: receive money; enter data; talk about books; feel my brain start to wake up again; have sore legs and sore feet (oh my feet!); wander through every section of the store except fiction; exchange hugs; see old friends; read a book on my break with other people reading books on their breaks...
I don't know how long this will be. The future still is cloudy. I'm not even going to predict the sun will rise tomorrow.
Cuz, you know, the sun never rises tomorrow. It always rises TODAY. 😎
And I know today, right now, I hope this lasts a good, long time. Years. Decades even. Happily, joyfully, selling books to people who want to buy them. Sharing something I love. Being content and feeling like myself in every part of myself.
May it ever be so.
I hope you're having a great day!