I have been practicing happiness for years, now.
I have received abundance. I have given of myself.
I know I am still deep in practice mode, and that some habits take longer practice than others, to change.
So why am I sitting here, fighting myself? Maybe not fighting myself, but really not wanting to make a decision?
Or maybe not face the decision I've already made?
Am I trying to made it difficult, challenging, a trial? Something to overcome?
Do I feel I don't deserve something? (okay, uncreate and destroy ALL that that is!)
Am I just tired, tired, tired of using all these new muscles, actually doing what I say, living in my integrity and truth?
The term that keeps ringing in my head is "Keep it simple."
And the simple question is, "What do I want right now?"
Not next week, not in a year. What do I want today?
Yes, the future matters. I am building the future. But fear of or plans for events that haven't happened yet, possibilities that may never happen, or certainly won't happen like I expect because things are changing every blessed day and who knows what the human race is going to reveal about itself next - that is not relevant to today's needs.
Is it too big? Too pretty? Too luxurious? Too outside my sphere of experience?
Too mainstream? Too positive? ?Too safe?
Am I worried I'm settling or grasping or...
Blah! You know what, Lila? It's a distraction. Making it a big deal. Giving it yards and years of importance when it's simply a step.
It's something I want to try. And I refuse to judge myself by any other standards than my own.
I asked for this. I accept this. I trust myself and the Universe. I celebrate this change and I allow it to be what it is... not the end all and be all; not huge, not small. Just what it is. Today.
So, today's happiness practice is making a decision and moving on to all the other things I want to do today.
Whoof. Thank you for walking with me through that path!
I hope you're having a great day!