What do I call this?

Practicing what I preach, I guess.

Happiness is...
...the smell of moisture in the air.
...graham crackers, brie, and an earl grey latte.
...a Barnes & Noble recovery workout.
...feeling contentment settle back in.

I know I'm not the only one for whom 2017 started with a sizzle and turned into a raging inferno. So many choices that felt like there was no right way. So many times when the future was cloudy. So many temptations to crawl under the blanket and wail, "What have I done?!"

The answer is, made decisions. Took responsibility. Did the best I could do in the moment.

My hindsight is not 20/20. In fact, it's probably more myopic than my future sight. And all those alternative universes are naturally much more sparkly than this one, because they can be whatever story I make them, since I'm not actually living them.

Which is all a long way to say, once more I have had my 1st day of employment at Barnes & Noble.

Yup, I went back.

Home.

There are a thousand reasons bubbling in my head - I can dress my style; I can be myself; I can touch books; I can talk about things I understand; I can learn AND feel knowledgeable all at once.

But the main reason, the real reason, the truth is...

I walked into the store one day to buy a gift. Someone said, "When are you coming back to work?" And I said, "When do you want me?"

So here I am. Delighted. Ecstatic. Exuberant. So many changes and so much to learn. But I got to do so much: receive money; enter data; talk about books; feel my brain start to wake up again; have sore legs and sore feet (oh my feet!); wander through every section of the store except fiction; exchange hugs; see old friends; read a book on my break with other people reading books on their breaks...

I don't know how long this will be. The future still is cloudy. I'm not even going to predict the sun will rise tomorrow.

Cuz, you know, the sun never rises tomorrow. It always rises TODAY. 😎

And I know today, right now, I hope this lasts a good, long time. Years. Decades even. Happily, joyfully, selling books to people who want to buy them. Sharing something I love. Being content and feeling like myself in every part of myself.

Happiness is.

May it ever be so.

I hope you're having a great day!
-Lila

If you're like me... The consumption is out of control

If you're like me, this last month has been full of  fullness. Eating everything in sight. Throwing food restrictions to the winds. Consuming things like your life depends upon it.

If you're like me, very few things are satisfying. That hunger is still there. The black hole amidst the bloated, extended belly is still gaping. The very thought of food is disgusting, but still you're driven to eat.

And if you're like me, it's not just food. You're buying things. So far it's been things you need, mostly, but the desire is there. To just roam the stores. To put your hands on things. To window shop with avarice.

So, if you're like me, you are finally realizing that this hunger, this greed, means there's something missing, something that we are desperately craving.

The body, the mind, the spirit, is looking for some nutrient somewhere, and we are on consumption overload.

What do we do about it?

Obviously, it's not an easy answer, or we would have already consumed, purchased, or immersed ourselves in the desired element. So how do we find out what we need?

I guess it's time to ask. And to listen.

For me, that means figuring out how I want to communicate with myself. Usually it is a combination of sitting in the sunshine, taking a shamanic journey, and writing and writing and talking and writing and talking.

Which takes SOOO much time!

But, it's going to take more time to lose all this extra weight I've brought in, attempting to find the answer. It's going to take more time to get rid of all the extra stuff I've purchased. And if I don't take the time to listen and ask what I really want /what I need, I am going to end up in a place where what I need is recovery. And that will take a LOT of time.

It's a difficult choice. What is right for today? Can I stop consuming unwanted things until I have the space and clarity to communicate with myself? Or do I need to take that time, for me, today?

If you're like me, all this consumption means your body needs something, desperately. It's time to find out what the need is.

I hope you're having a great day!
-Lila

Can the world change?

I want the world to change.

I want our value to be based on what we do, instead of what we have.

I want everyone, everywhere, to be able to wake up and do whatever they love, and do it to the best of their ability.

I want everyone, everywhere, to be able to receive whatever they need, and receive the best quality and quantity.

I want everyone, everywhere to be doing community service because they are part of the community that is receiving the service.

And I'm not sure humanity can handle it. We seem to thrive on struggle, on challenge. On rules and rewards and demerits. Perhaps it is something chemical that drives us, to reach and explore and pit ourselves against each other. To judge. To be the best, to have the most, to be the name in the history book.

After all the games we have created, after all the challenges we have thrown into our own paths, can any of us be satisfied with mastering the struggle of simply being our best every day?

Maybe, if we see it as the ultimate challenge. The challenge of being unique. The challenge of accepting ourselves without judgment.

Can I do it? Can you do it? Can we sit, just for five minutes, and let ourselves be? Can we exist, can we breathe, without the addictive adrenaline surge of worry and anxiety and comparison taught to us by society? Can I strive, every day, to be the best of me, and have it be enough?

 Can we allow ourselves all to be alpha, to be equal, to all have what we need, and to all do what we like to do, and to ALL be peaceful and joyful and competitive without harm to others? To live and experience and create and receive?

Can we, as humans, meet that challenge of creating a world that does not require the downfall, the humiliation, the subservience of another being?

Can the world change?

Let's find out.

I hope you're having a great day!
-Lila