But what do you expect?

I am realizing (still? further? again?) that my expectations are getting in the way of my happiness.

From work to spiritual celebrations, I expect myself to feel this or that. I expect to expend "X" amount of energy. I expect this action to create that reaction. I expect that value for this price.

And because I am so busy looking for my expectations to be fulfilled, I am missing the actual experience.

Take meditation, for example. From reading a variety of books (fiction and non,) I have created an image of how meditation should feel, look, sound. And yet, my meditations are nothing like that. NOTHING! (Cause i have to be unique.) I don't actually really see things, or hear things, as I do with eyes and ears. For me, it's impressions, feelings, words appearing in my head. Rather like the Daredevil, where he receives a picture of the female by listening to the rain.

And I'm rarely so deeply in that I am unaware of my surroundings. I may not be able to respond, but I am aware.

For years I thought I was meditating wrong, because it wasn't matching my expectations. There are a lot of things I thought I was doing wrong, including praying.

But I am coming to realize that I can put aside my expectations.  I can let things be. I can experience things as they really are.

As I do with people, I can ACCEPT experiences instead of EXPECT them.

Which means, (still, further, again) I can accept myself in these experiences. My reactions to them. My truths instead of my expectations of behavior and perception.

I sometime wonder why it seems so difficult to just be me?

And that is all about expectations too.

It's not difficult to be me. It's pretty easy, in fact. I can do it effortlessly.

But to fit myself into the mold of expectations - that's what is difficult.

So, what do I expect? Well, I'm going to practice expecting nothing. And allowing everything.

I hope you have a great day!
-Lila