Today's Happiness Practice is... still in practice

Because today I feel like the Swamp Thing. (and this is unedited because I'm going back to bed.)

It's funny. I pretty much despise the CPAP machine, at the same time I have become superstitiously dependant upon it. (Oxygen is good for brain activity, they say.) Because of the CPAP, the only time I consciously breathe through my mouth is when I sing.

And when I am as stuffed up as I am today. And so, the fact that I am a mouth breather right now is almost worse than the mucas and the coughing and the headache and... there is not enough antibacterial stuff in the house,.

Because I can feel the air drying out my throat and I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen for ANYTHING (which explains my poor decision making when I'm sick.)

And even worse than that is the guilt - which is not something I believe in but at the same time, I feel in huge quantities because I have clients and jobs and commitments and (since we're being honest) I mostly feel pissed off at myself because being sick means I'm not do ANY of the stuff I love to do, and I despise feeling grumpy and messy and like I've let everyone including myself down. (And so this is probably a public confession to make sure everyone knows how very terrible I feel both physically and mentally.)

But I'd be the first to tell anyone else that self-care is A-number one on the list. Oxygen mask, gotta have energy to give it, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

So, what's the issue, Miss Happiness Practitioner (yeah, I get snarky when I get to this spot.)

Well, the issue is, this is like the third time this year that I've been ill. And I've had to cancel and rearrange and  apologize and play with schedules multiple times because my time-management skills still need a lot of practice.

And, when I allow myself to take a moment, when the Happiness Practitioner is finally allowed into the center of self doubt and recrimination, I know that all of this is because I have been doing so much more than I'd been doing a year ago. AND I've been more consistently successful in my productivity and practice this year.

But, it is still a practice. I DO still need to work on timing and scheduling and realistic goals. I don't know how long some things take, and I don't really know what my acclimation time is until I do it. And I am obviously unable to go 100% all of the time - so if I don't stand up for myself, my body WILL choose my days off for me. And they won't be skipping through the forest days off either.

Happiness is actually the practice of Happiness, because this means I can turn a bitch post into a teaching and realization moment for myself.

Sure, I rarely had to call in sick in the three years before this one, because I didn't have a ton of commitments or people who were aware of how I spent my time. And maybe that's why it took so long to get back into the work force - because sometimes explaining myself, asking others for time, telling others I need time, well, it's still a task. Still something that takes practice. Still a habit to be developed.

(borrowed from others) "Every day in every way I am better and better."  "I am happy, I am healthy, I am wealthy, I feel terrific."
And most importantly, every day I am my best; I live my truths, and I do what I can to make the world, my world, a better place.

Even if that means telling everyone I have succumbed to the nasty whatever that's going around this year. Next year, I'll have more health and fewer sick days.

Stay healthy, my friends.

And I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

I feel you slip out of my grasp.

Every moment You pass away.

You become a being of light

and I, I just remain.

I see you move out of my sight.

Every time I look away another step into the light.

And I, I just remain.

Your voice is soft and loud at once;

Your touch is firm but it's not here.

Your scent no longer rides the wind

and in my heart is joy and fear

For you have gone before me.

You'll open or you'll block the gate.

You have gone before me,

and I can only wait while I feel you slip away, 

becoming

more than I can see:

goddess;  guardian; encompassing light.

And now, 

there's only me.

Let the mountains be her gravestone

and the sunset her epitaph.

Happiness book - Question 1

Hello to you!
I have a favor to ask.
I am writing my happiness book.
Part of happiness - well, a whole great whomping part of happiness - is discovering what I want, and then figuring out what my best means of achieving this are.
I would like to use examples in the book - consistent examples, to carry through each section.
I have one example, as I am currently practicing creating easy and effortless time management habits.
But I would like two more.
One mundane example - "simple," something that feels short term like, I don't know, like cooking something.
And one emotionally impactful example.

So what, dear readers, would you want to read about? What examples - from your lives, from entertainment, from imagination - would you like to see plotted from desire (I want to do/achieve/have - or not have - THIS!) to manifestation (I did it! I am awesome!)

Comment on blogger; comment on FB; or send an email  to lilaallen@unicallen.com. Please let me know your thoughts.

Nothing is too silly or too serious. (Too sacred? Maybe.) But life is. So let's tackle it happily.

Thank you. I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

I believe!

It is late and I am due in bed in about 30 minutes - which is a way of saying, this post will probably not be well edited, and coherency is not guaranteed.

But I just had to write. Have to write. Am writing.

Because I am writing. It's day 6 of my commitment this month to write an hour a day (I am participating in NaNoWriMo as incentive. Or accountability. Or something.) And I have been doing very well. It took a little while to quit pushing myself to "get that word count!" Because that's not what it's about for me. It's actually about dedicating the time and, hopefully, getting the book in some narrative order. But I have been working on it. Yay!

I have also been practicing developing Time Management habits that work for me. (A practice that has been going on for, oh, 30 years. Maybe longer - the idea was probably planted in high school.) And it has been working.

It has been working enough that I am going to bed on time. On time to wake up tomorrow and still get a decent amount of sleep.

and the interesting thing is, I'm not getting through ALL the things I want to accomplish before bed, BUT - because I am accomplishing things, because I am honoring my needs, focusing on my real comforts, making decisions for tomorrow's happiness, because I can FEEL the habits wanting to take hold and expand and I can connect with the future possibilities - well, I feel pretty awesome.

And a little light. Because I'm not going to bed with the overwhelming feeling of "What haven't I done?"

Dear Universe - please please please help me continue on this path. Let this be the time I keep going. I know I can do it. I have made so many strides this year already. I allow there to be more. I accept more. I receive more. Thank you.

All right. Sleep well, my friends!

-Lila