What did I expect?

 

This is my second winter in Spokane.

I didn’t actually want there to be a second winter; I was pretty much done with Northwest winters in November of last year, when I blithely went out to walk and ended up feeling like my heart was going to freeze. Even though the sun was shining on me!

In Colorado, if the sun is shining, I can feel the warmth. I can stand in the sunshine, in February, and feel the warmth. If I see the lightening of the sky outside, I know that I will be able find a spot of sun in which to be warm. 

In Washington, at least from my limited experience, if the sky has lightened outside and I see blue and sunshine, there is still no guarantee of a heart warming moment.

And I think that is the hardest part. Not that it is colder and it’s like breathing slushies, but that I expect one thing and get another.

Which, it turns out is a lot of the time. I am over 50 years old. I have lived more than half my projected  life span. So I guess some expectations are going to be ingrained. Like what kind of music I like, what books I want to read, what food my body likes.

Hmm. Actually, all of those things have changed too, with time. Bodies definitely change. And movies I loved even five years ago, I roll my eyes at now. I am a different person today, in very many ways.

So what am I trying to say? 

That perhaps, instead of expectations I can have curiosity -- about what a new day can bring, what a different place can feel like, what beauty I will find unexpectedly. Perhaps instead of judging an experience on what I am used to, I can accept it for what it is, without comparison. 

And then I can decide if it's for me or not. 

(I wonder if they're breathing slushies in Wales.)