... well, I'm trying to find a light-hearted way to comment on the various substances humans process, and how we do so, but it's just too early to talk about it. And too taboo.
But that is the point of this post. Taboos. and Bodies. And what I really think about mine.
I wrote a whole stream of meandering yesterday, which I did not post, describing how difficult it was for me to accept my body. MY body. My favorite part is this...
"I strove to be better at activities. At actually physically being active.
I wanted to be thinner. Prettier. To eat less.
I wanted to dance better. and sing better. And be able to manipulate my body like gymnasts.
I wanted to be light and airy. And slender and willowy. And long and lean.
Perhaps like a unicorn, yes? With a glorious, multicolored mane and such a lightness of being!"
I FEEL myself as 5'6", lean and graceful, every hair exactly where I placed it, pressed and polished.
And yet, in the mirror, I see myself as frumpy and short and round, and I rarely iron, and I'm messy, and I need a five minute break after a two minute dance.
Well, I was at that stage yesterday morning. Obviously, being the awesome and amazing Do It Yourself Improvement Advanced Practitioner that I am (can you read that 10 times fast?, ) I instead started using tools suggested by my path partner.
Every morning for at least a week, I am finding 5 things about my body for which I am grateful. (And yes, that took a while, yesterday, because often I would follow it up with, "Yeah, but...")
And I listened to Dain Heer, a practitioner of Access Consciousness - which is, it turns out, a healing modality that's right up the Happiness Alley.
And the tool I focused on, all of yesterday, was the phrase "Who does this belong to?"
Instead of going into the long explanation of it, I shall post the link to his quick (8 mins) video discussing this tool. LINK
So, I spent a good long time yesterday weighing hunger, exhaustion, annoyance, tension, and expectations against the phrase "Who does this belong to?"
I did combine it with my own personal version of releasing resistance (workshop tonite!) and a lovely visual of chucking unneeded stuff out of the mental attic.
By the time I went to bed, I was so light! Like I'd taken a muscle relaxant.
Of course, this morning I was up and at it again. Judge judge judge. What if What if What if. Why can't I? Why won't I? Why aren't I?
Who does that belong to?
Who does THAT belong to?
WHO does that belong to?
There were some I was surprised weren't mine.
The body gratitude was easier.
And then, as I was sitting on the bed, contemplating my vision of being soft spoken and calm and proper (Julie Andrews) versus my actual bawdy and robust self (Bette Midler,) the automatic track of "Who does that belong to?" intersected with the willowy blonde vision.
And the world exploded.
Not me. Not ME. NOT ME!
It has nothing to do with me.
I am one with this body. With my body. 5'4". Amazing and versatile hair. A laugh that can fill a cathedral. Strong fingers for typing. Happy in my clothes, even when there's spaghetti sauce on my breast (and yes, the stain is always on the breast.) I love to dance, even if only for 2 minutes.
And I'll stand on my tiptoes to hug, because I do still feel so tall and expansive.
Yeah, my body, mind, and spirit have more exploring to do as I accept myself and what things my body CAN do. (And we're still discussing how much dark chocolate I REALLY need to consume in a day.) But when I look in the mirror, it won't be with the expectation of seeing something I never was.
Enlightenment is Awesome. I'm happy I am awesome enough to find it!
I hope you're having a great day!
-Lila
No comments:
Post a Comment