So, if you're like me, it's been a very full, often frustrating, "Calgon take me away!" set of weeks, maybe even months.
First, I want to say - I chose all of this. Not intentionally, necessarily - I mean, I didn't say "oh, I want to be so busy and have so many balls in the air it feels like I'm not actually present in my own life." But first there was this once in a lifetime event I really want to do. And then there was THIS one time only event for a group I really want to give energy to. And then, well, it looked like the best time to fit this thing in, because I need to do it once a year, and this, well, this is my job and I like my job and, oh crabapples - this is the busy time of year. I don't have to ask myself "What was I thinking?" because I know exactly. And on paper, it all fit into nice neat little calendar squares and time slots. No problem
But things take longer than I think they'll take.
And part of the time crunch is I'm also working on self care, which includes exercise and connecting with people. And then there's preparing for the once in a lifetime things, which actually takes up a lot of brain power and time these days. So then we're back to self care which includes some reading and tv, but more importantly finding things to read and watch that appeal to me, instead of just consuming junk.
And it's so easy to get frustrated with myself and with others when whatever I'm doing doesn't actually contribute to the things I want to be doing - like a traffic jam on the way to work or a story being told that doesn't apply to the question asked or finding myself distracted by "reels" on social media when I did actually get on the site for a particular purpose... Let's just say my patience wears thin and that adds to the overall air of "AAAAARGH!"
BUT! I have been working on breathing. And keeping my heart open (even with myself!). And taking a moment, just a moment to just let things be, to release connection. And the other day, oh, the other day, I realized that I had lasted just a little longer before getting frustrated. And it took me less time to remember to breathe. And I was able to disconnect from unwanted things (instead of grumbling about why people would want this crap - sorry, stuff - in their lives anyway; after all, I imagine some of the stuff I like to read others would consider crap); I was able to disconnect for just a second more.
And the realization of this, oh, it was like realizing that I am able to stretch just a little farther. The most amazing sense of personal accomplishment and, even better, the knowledge that with this step an even bigger step is possible.
I can be the happy, rested, exuberant, busy, self-care and best of all "AAARGH" free person I prefer to be. It's not going to happen all at once. There are totally going to be ebbs and flows, waxing and waning, some days easier than others. But each day, each moment, there is the amazing possibility of stretching, breathing, releasing, caring, just a little more.
And that is awesome.
May we all have just one more breath today, than we did yesterday, of beauty, peace, resilience, love, hope, connection - whatever feeds us most.
