How did I do it?

I am pretty proud of myself about my morning routine. It's taken awhile to figure out what really helps me connect in the morning, what fulfills the itch to read and write; what gets my blood flowing and helps me wake up. And I have long versions and short versions.

I would love to wake up sooner in the morning, so I could actually start exercising consistently again. Between the holidays and health issues, I have been allowing myself at least 6 hours of sleep, regardless of when I go to bed, so I don't always have a lot of time in the morning. I am working on that.

In fact, I have been working on that for awhile. I mean. If I want at least 6 hours of sleep, I should go to bed at least 6 hours before I want to wake up, right? If yoga class starts at 6 and I want at least an hour to ease through my morning routine, I can go to bed at 11, right? That's not even early! And if I want to go to bed at 11, I just need to start my nightly routine at 10. Heck, 10:30 if I want to "just finish one more chapter." I can do that. Right?

Right?!

Yah. I have a long history of doing exactly NOT that. And I don't know why.

I am trying to remember how I got myself out of bed in the morning. How did I connect with my morning routine so well that I can convince myself to leave the snuggly warm covers and the relaxed state and the day dreams? Wat tool or thought process or incentive did I use to get myself out here? 

Because I know there is a key, a switch, a thought, a something that will help me get by butt TO bed at night instead of watching one more show and eating one more thing and playing one more game. I know I will be happier if I go to bed sooner, so I can get up and do more things in the morning.

But maybe that's the problem right there. I am trying to get myself to bed so I can get up and do more? At the end of the day, that is not any kind of incentive. IF I hasten to bed, then I hasten the next day and more work. Let's just stay up a little longer and enjoy this being the END of the work day. No more responsibilities today! Just appreciating other people's work. Visiting other peoples worlds - where I don't have to do a thing but enjoy (or be judgmental.) 

Huh. That actually explains a lot. Because I have a long history of stress about making decisions, living up to my perceptions of others' expectations, and a fear of doing the wrong thing. (Well, more a fear of people thinking or knowing I did the thing wrong.) And I'm doing much better now, attuning to what I want, and knowing that everyone is doing their best and everyone makes "mistakes" and no one is better or wiser than anyone else - there is no grand master of right and wrong, no matter how many beings or institutions want to claim that title.

But I still don't want the responsibilities. And the longer I stretch out the night, the longer it takes to get to the new day of "things to do."

Which, lets me honest. My morning routine is filled with things to do. Responsibilities to myself. I enjoy doing the things, but it is a to do list. Hmmm.

So. How do I reframe it at night? Because ultimately, in the end, I am Happier to have those morning things done. And I would be happier to have the nightly routine done also. To wake up with a feeling of satisfaction that I have done things.

Hmm.