If you're like me.... Today, happiness is... Not.

If you're  like me, it's been an interesting few days. Where interesting can be translated as "painful", "frustrating," "difficult," "mind-bending," "weight gaining," "bad hair," and "suck-ass". 

So what do we do, with all this pain, all this frustration, the desire to simply return to the shell, the womb, the bed, the other world? When all of our tricks and tips and tools seem useless against the waves of anguish? When you look in the mirror and really don't like what you feel? When it's all you can do to be civil - and bright and cheerful is no longer an option? What do we do?

Between all the posts on FB, and my personal feelings, the first thought in my head is we just push the red button! But. That's not the advice I would give to anyone else. And knowing we teach that which we most need to learn, I shall reach a little deeper than the pain and say…

We let go and we accept.

We stop trying to analyze. We stop hyperventilating. We stop forced deep breathing. We drop the bootstraps. We lower our chin. We drop the load and we stop grinning.

We give in. "I am in a nasty, sulky mood." "I feel awful and sad and frustrated." "I feel like giving up." "I feel pain." "I just don't care."

I have to tell you, the minute I started thinking that, my mood elevated. Because I was free of the self-imposed prison of who I ought to be.

I am allowed to be crabby. I am allowed to feel less than 100%. There is no reason. No rhyme. I don't know where the pain is, and I don't know why I feel it today. I don't what I'm allergic to. I don't know what's annoying me. I don't know how deep the grief is and if it will ever end and what will set it off this time. I don't know what tomorrow brings. And I am so tired of answering these questions. Tired of asking these questions. Tired of working.

I give in. Today, I give up. I am not going to push against the walls of anything; I’m not going to resist the grumpy mood, and I sure am not going try and accomplish anything when my mood is like this. I'd just have to do it over.

So I accept. I release. I let go. And I ply myself with as many caramel chocolate yogurt shakes as I want.

Because, if you're like me, when you're happy, there is no struggle. There is no resistance. There may be fear, uncertainty, and definitely a lot of practice. But none of this "oh, shoot me now!" despair. None of this blind beating against an invisible wall.

And if you're like me, you want to be happy all the time, yes?

But, if you're like me, you're human, and the weather turns, and we age, and stuff hurts. So. In order to be happy, we have to allow all the emotions to have play. The grumpy, the angry, the righteous, the goofy, the dopey, and the sad. To be in our truth, we have to be IN our truth, even if that truth is not bathing for a week or binging on alphabetizing everything in the home.

If you're like me, you eventually accept yourself, even when you're the Bitch from the Back of the Beyond. You give in. You declare. You celebrate.

And, in the middle of your pity party, you find a small gleaming nugget of happiness. Because, if you're like me, accepting your truth of the moment has set you free.

I hope you have a(n) [insert adjective here] day.

-Lila

If you're like me... who shall cut your hair?

If you're like me, having someone else cut your hair can be, shall we say, challenging. Even when you've practiced explaining how you want your hair cut, expressing it to a stranger is a difficult task. And then, when it all goes wrong, you're not sure where to place blame. (and if you're like me, you don't even like the word blame.)

If you're like me, you also have that introvert thing going on, with a hefty dose of "Be polite!" in your upbringing. So when you find yourself being interrogated by a complete stranger... Who is cutting your hair.... You have to be nice, don't you?

Now, imagine walking into a place that does NOT feel like a steel and glass torture chamber. It's light and airy. It smells nice too. Before you wonder if you're in the right spot, you see the salon off to the side. Out of the way. NOT in the immediate view of anyone who walks in off the street.

Because this salon is also a metaphysical store. Cool. If you're like me, you relax a little more.

There's a nice little cubby for your purse. You give up your protective sweater. And you sit in the salon chair.

You tell the woman what you want (ooh, well done. Articulate and everything. Yay you!) You get a shampoo. You brace yourself, just a little.

The woman talks about herself and the store. And then, and THEN, as you're staring at yourself in the mirror, she says... "So, tell me a little about yourself. But only if you want to."

If you're like me, you actually turn your head and stare at her.

"I wouldn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable," she says.

At that moment, it wouldn't have mattered what she did to my hair. I'd still be singing praises right now.

However, each time I have looked in the mirror, I have said, "all right". I think she, and therefore I, has done good. 

I think I actually look forward to looking into the mirror tomorrow (after having slept on it. The true test of Lila hair appreciation!).

I am feeling pretty darn confident about looking in the mirror 2 weeks from now.

I don't think I have found the hair style I am looking for, but I'm pretty sure I have found my salon. I'm a little giddy.

A witch cut my hair, and I like it. And if you're like me, you'll like it too. Please check out http://www.spellbound13.com/.

I hope you have a great day!
-Lila

Enlightenment is Awesome - and Light

As in not heavy. As in expansive. As in free.

Perhaps enlightenment isn't about ascending, or about feeling smarter or holier. Perhaps enlightenment is about weightlessness. The bright bubbling joy of feeling light on my feet. Light in my head. Light as air.

With air, we fly. We may need to use a lot of heavy machinery to get there, but we are spacious and expansive in the air.

And even when the water freezes, we find ways to move lightly across is. To be light. To flow smoothly. To fly. 

What about summer, when we remove all our clothes, open up to the sun. Free ourselves from the shelters we've created. We stretch and lighten up. The earth itself expands, opening out to accept the light.

And do we not dance? Light on our feet? Flashing like the fire that skips and bubbles and pops when it is doing what it was created to do? Dancing, are we not connected with every other flowing being, through the sound of music and the flow of movement and the flashing light?

Enlightenment - that joyful, airy, nirvana moment of peace and acceptance and balance -- perhaps it is about light. Being light. Being expansive, embracive, feet won't touch the ground and everything is dancing and flowing, we are all connected, and the smile won't leave my face, light.

I hope you are EN LIGHT every moMENT you desire it!

-Lila

Thoughts to Ponder: Colder than a Witch's What?

Why is the saying "colder than a witch's tit"?

When it's cold outside, my toes are the first to let me know. Then my fingers. Ears. And of course lungs and nostril hairs. My teats are snugly warm under layers and layers of clothes. And a big fuzzy coat.

Even if we're saying that a witch is a woman with a huge green nose (like Witch Hazel from the Looney Tunes) - surely that nose was sticking out much further into the frigid air than her breasts. Which are also happily covered with cloth. Warm black wool cloth. And most likely a shawl.

Let us officially change the terminology, please. We may say it is colder than a witch's nose hairs.

Cuz it surely is, right now. Colder than a witch's anything.

Especially as all sensible witches are tucked inside with hot toddies and a good book.

I hope you have a warm day!

-Lila

Life in Runes

Capricorn 2014 - 2015

The rune for the coming month is no rune at all. 

If you're like me, it's a little difficult to swallow that.  It feels like we barely made it through the last moon cycle with our sanity intact.  And now you're telling me "You've got this?"  I need guidance!

But the universe says I've got all I need.  So, what do I have?

Well, I have all these gifts, all these dreams, all these foundations I have been creating.  Personally, I have some catch phrases, some new services, some identities.  I have a book ready for publishing.  I have a beautiful place to live - and some allergies and some new questions about the weather and my desire to tolerate it.  I have belief and determination.  I have some very strong opinions.  And I have a lot of practice under my belt.

I guess that's enough to build on.

Grudgingly,  the universe did gave one little nugget.  If I really need, if you really need, something to guide our thinking, to ground the whirlwind of thoughts and ideas, if you need a rope to grasp onto…

…think about the flow.  The flow from the past to the future.  The flow of the pack.

  Is it a flow you want?  Or a flow you don't?  Is it a connection you wish to maintain, or one to release?

Dear ones, the time of the individual is on the rise.  We are not fighting for our pack or our nation or even for humanity's continued existence as a race.  Humanity has definitely dominated the earth in numbers.  We are now working to each be our own unique block in the quilt, to accept ourselves so we can accept the differences of each other.  To be a better race, a race of quality. 

Find your individual quirks.  Revel in your personal passions.  Dream.  Practice.  And celebrate.

I hope you have a great month!

-Lila

Youth to Wise

inspired by a post from Lissa Rivero Sanders

Dedicated to all the wise women & men who offered their teachings, whether or not I accepted.

Dear Wise:

Wise, it is true,

we rush to take our place.

We oft forget to hold the space

for beauty.

Wise, it appears

we are cold and hard as steel,

And we speak but do not feel

Compassion.

We can't wait to dance away.

  We will always come back to hear you.

Wise, it does seem

that as we strive and fret

We rush courtesy and forget

our kindness.

As we find our path

through the changes of each day,

It is easy to dismiss the way

it's always been.

We are a little envious because we know

  we are building on the foundation you have created.

Trust us, as we trust you.

Believe, and we'll come through.

For it is your world too,

While you are here. 

We will let you go grudgingly.

And through the cycles of life,

through the dance of time and space,

The bridge we build together will always be a place

Of love and honor.

Patience and Kindness.

Integrity and Strength.

i hope you have a great day!

-Lila

Enlightenment is Awesome - Crap! It's my Turn

I just had lunch with a friend who's been out of state for many years.

Of course, there is the adage that good friends can just regain communication as if no time is passed.  And that felt true.  Which has its benefits and its downfalls, especially if you've both been practicing new habits, new modes of expression.

And of course, there is the "new" judgment classifications I have been learning - acceptance is easy.

But now there is the added layer of "what sort of energy exchange is there?"  Do we share similar enough perceptions, similar realities?  How will time spent with her feed me? 

These are especially important questions for me, after all this transformation, and claiming of self, and choosing how I'll release my gifts, and choosing who I want to hang out with.  Balancing my new needs with the complete joy of spending time with someone I have treasured for many years.

Happily, as I have been growing and expanding, so has she.  There is still language to learn and, of course, differing perceptions, but the broad dreams, the world shaping desires, the manifestation of reality, is similar enough, in alignment, resonation, that we will be walking side by side for a long while yet.   Yay!

Then, as I was driving home, basking in that strange happiness & pride one feels when a friend is still awesome, I realized something.  Okay, something I knew already, but this lunch kind of crystalized it.  Solidified it.  Helped me see it wasn't just me, but was, is, as I am learning, US.

I have looked at the way education is being treated, heard (despite my efforts) of the atrocities being committed, come to think that maybe the children of the 21st century hardly have time for childhood.  And I have thought, oh man, these are the people who will be running the country.

And maybe someday they will be.  But  not before I and mine have a go at it.

Speaking personally, I wouldn't claim adulthood for myself until I was 33 years old.  21 may have meant legal adulthood, but it took many years of practice for me to feel confident, free, and rooted enough in myself to make decisions for myself.  It took another 10 years of practice to bolster that confidence, to define my morals and my personal beliefs and my responsibilities.  And further, what I expect from others.

And now, now it's time to express that, to claim that, to see what parts of my country, my world are able and willing to stand up, to stand together, as strong and confident individuals who accept each other and allow no one, not even the government we've supposedly elected, to bully us.

We are not the 12th district; we are none of the districts, to meekly offer up our dreams and our wills just to retain an unhappy existence for the physical body.

We are not bought and paid for.

And we are not children, to be told what to do, to hide from experience and responsibility and the alien-ness of those around us.

We are individuals, with emotions and free will.  We are all unique and awesome, and we are taking back our power.

We are the next generation - those of us reaching our prime, mature enough to have enjoyed 20 years of choices, flexible enough to still see a better future.  A melding of realities.  A celebration of personhood, where the person is an actual living, breathing, human being.  'Cuz when it comes right down to it, even corporations, even governments, even local businesses, hospitals, countries; even this world is simply a grouping of many individuals.  There is the energy and the  memory of those who have lived and died before us, but mostly, there is just now.  And us.

So I accept.  I accept the job of creating a glorious tomorrow, in my own way, with my own dreams, my practiced will, my sacred honor.  I accept the responsibility of being the best me, the strongest me, the most awesome me, unbowed and unbullied.  I accept all those who stand,  working hard for their reality.

I know the people who are the "kids these days."  And I want to hand them a strong foundation to work from, an awesome, expansive, inclusive, caretaking example for them to follow.

But more, I want to create a happy world for me.  Cuz I'm still here.  So it's still my turn.

It's my turn.  It's our turn.  I accept.

Do you?

I hope you have a great day!

-Lila